This is not an anti-Twitter rant. Instead, I'd consider it some strongly suggested recommendations for all deejays who use this social networking tool. Most deejays use Twitter in a perfectly tolerable manner by using it as a way to promote mixes, gigs, and witty humor. Other deejays have clear cases of diarrhea of the thumb. Various deejays have gone Tom Cruise on us. We love them as deejays, but once they start showing their true selves they become more annoying than a poor wifi connection. Unlike Tom Cruise, almost all of our favorite deejays don't have a premier public relations staff to clean-up their messes. That's what I'm here for. Below, is a set of observations and rules that could help many of our favorite deejays save themselves from themselves.
1. There are limits to self promotion. We all understand that Twitter is a tool primarily used for self promotion, but a little modesty PLEASE! Want to tweet where you'll be spinning next? Cool. Want to re-tweet where you'll be spinning next every hour on the hour? Still Cool (I guess) Want to tweet your latest mix? Please do. Want to re-tweet your latest mix everyday for 6 months? That's cool too. Want to tell the twitter world how you "rocked _________(insert your favorite city here)" after every single gig? Get the f*ck outta here! We get it, your the greatest deejay since sliced bread. Is it really necessary to tell us over and over again? Want to know who's especially guilty of this? I won't name names, but I will give you a little rhyme: Twitter dumb, twitter dee, this deejay's tendency to suck himself off is gayer than a dude wearing a pair of capris.
2. Please no philosophical quotes (especially if they're by you). I need a deejay telling me philosophy like I need a hole in my head. I want to hear your latest mix or attend your next gig. I don't want to read your poor attempt at street corner philosophy. I'll read Plato if I'm looking for something philosophical. Just because somebody read a book to you doesn't mean you have to share the one sentence that you remember with us over and over again. In the words of the late, great 2pac, "your whole style is bit!" Again, I won't name any names here, but a certain 26th letter deejay should be doing a 25 to life bid for plagiarism.
3. Tweeting, "people who are on Twitter all day are gay" is.....GAY!! If you're on Twitter all day, OWN IT! You're more stupid than stupid if you go dissing people who tweet all day when your own profile shows that you have 40,000 tweets. There is a certain deejay who I could put on blast for this, but I'll save him for later.
4. Reality Check 1,2. Probably not the best idea to start spouting off as a deejay about how you're going to take over the world when you have as many followers as I have wives. Even if I was a polygamist, you still wouldn't have enough followers to talk about taking over the world. There are a few deejays that come to mind here, but you probably haven't heard of them.
5. Who needs a Mad Rapper when we have Mad DJ's. Man, your favorite deejay is one bitter mofo. To be honest, a little bit of bitterness is entertaining to a degree. In fact, Twitter is the perfect venue for some witty, mean spirited humor. With that said, there are some deejays who come off as flat-out ugly people. One particular deejay that comes to mind spends most of his day essentially telling himself how wonderful he is, and telling everybody else how stupid they are. This particular deejay also enjoys tweeting over and over again how much he loves his kid. If you love your kid, tell your kid. Why do you feel the need to convince me how much you love your kid? I know, I know. Why do you follow this guy? Probably for the same reason I have the tendency to glance at car wrecks. Who is this deejay? Sh*t, I'm afraid to tell you all (dude seems like he's got anger issues). However, I will tell you that you probably wouldn't know his name if not for the legacy of a certain fallen hip hop great.